The Third Return by Monica M. Medina

Author:Monica M. Medina
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Indigo River Publishing
Published: 2021-11-09T18:59:53+00:00

The Third Return

January 2009

Moving day. There’s that moment again. The one where your emotions are so intense your body needs to shut down other important functions just to make sure you don’t internally combust. Yes. That moment. And it came again before the end of the month.

I was packing up my room in the apartment and watching as the space began to empty all over again. I was defeated and overpowered by what I knew were lies and deception. I had no desire to leave the place that had been our saving grace and give up the freedom we had found from the panic, draining anxiety and mind-boggling stress that always came with Ian. Now, living with him, it would all return.

Somehow, he had managed to return again and for the life of me, I couldn’t comprehend why Mom had allowed it. She was set on her choice and with plans in motion, I saw no point in fighting it anymore.

After years of watching her disregard her own peace in order to keep others happy, I came to adapt the same behavior. Even though I’m like her in nearly all my ways, Ian’s return made me sick and nauseous. I could see his mask fading before she could.

…

The ability to speak up for myself has always been my greatest challenge. To speak up for one’s self is a talent I thought I would never have. Instead, I was taught to be obedient, to listen, and to do as you’re told. I was always instructed to obey respectfully and without question by my Catholic school, by Mom, by Ian, and by my family. Everyone stuffed me to the brim with firm directions on how to listen, shut it and zip it. These lessons had been so deeply engraved in me, that I never considered I had other options. As a result, I grew up to become a person who had not the slightest clue of how to make decisions for myself.

Essentially, I became a pushover and let people wipe their spiked combat boots all over me. It was a quality in me that I labeled as being very flawed, but it was nothing I could even begin to change. Not alone, at least.

Even when returning to Ian, I believed everyone was right and I was the crazy, out-of-line one for refusing to go back to this man for the third time. Yet, even though my heart was telling me this was the worst decision we could ever make, my mind told me hey, you’re not listening and hey, you need to do what the adults are telling you to do. Stop it already. Listen! Obey!

So I did. I started packing up. I tore down my posters again. I packed up my clothes again. I even asked Jim to help. I submitted to Ian’s power and said nothing during the move.

…

One crucial lesson life has revealed to me time and time again is that adults can be wrong just like children can be.

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